|
|
| Line 1: |
Line 1: |
| | == Updates == |
| | [See slack, starting around here](https://noisebridge.slack.com/archives/C035Z8C5J/p1523979216000839) |
|
| |
|
| A Lesbian in Stepford
| | == Background == |
|
| |
|
| Extracts from the Diary of Alison Anderson nÈe Heche. Reprinted here with permission.
| | === What we hope to get out of discovery === |
|
| |
|
| 05/01/2010
| | * Guidance on fundraising priorities |
| | ** Ranked list of grants to apply to (public and private) |
| | ** Analysis of general and specific information that we need to get together to apply for grants |
| | * Specific methodologies for driving recurring donations |
| | * Specific methodologies for persuing Very Large one time donations |
| | * Who will participate in discovery from Noisebridge? |
| | * List of 'gotchyas' to be aware of on our fundraising journey |
|
| |
|
| Hey Diary, just moved to this new town. Pretty strange place. Women here are very bosomy. I swear not one lady has a boob smaller than a D cup and by average Iíd say E cup, but there are a few even bigger than that.
| | === Diligence === |
| | ==== Included in $4k scope of work: ==== |
| | * in person time |
| | ** Josef would come down and spend one or two days where he would meet with the leaders in the community. |
| | ** Immerse and understand the programs offered. |
| | ** identify a group who can help internally |
| | ** conversations about culture and values in fundraising |
| | ** couple days with leadership |
| | * review of financials back a few years |
| | * target grants ($1mm in grants of $25k or more) |
| | * get an internal comms campaign |
| | ** tiered, targeted to members |
| | ** timing of email campaigns |
| | * big focus on how is money expected to operate within the culture |
|
| |
|
| Am I, Little Miss A cup suffering from a case of boob envy? Yup guess I am.
| | ==== Past Experience ==== |
| | They've worked with orgs raising money to raise themselves levels of engagement. Theater company. Annex Theater is in their 31st season. They are consensus driven. He was dev director. Anarchist collective they're familiar with. Started with them in 2001. Dev Dir. Op budget was under $100k. Raised add'l $30-40/year. Raised $65k for a move. |
|
| |
|
| So, letís add a 1950s vibe. The women wear dresses, the men wear plaid shirts and jeans, itís like something out of Pleasantville, too clean and neat.
| | Ventura Disability Partners was cruising at $1mm/year from contract only. Trying to stop turnover. Got $100-200k revenue monthly recurring. Got $1mm in a few months. Seattle Youth Symphony, started raising $300k/ year. Doubled to $600k. Got $500k grant from Wallace foundation. |
|
| |
|
| Anyhoo this job promises to pay well, so in a year or two Iíll leave this town rich.
| | He oversaw a team of 7 who raised $4.5mm for a theater. |
|
| |
|
| 05/02/2010
| | ==== From Lady Red ==== |
| | I asked Krebs this and here was their answer: |
| | Money for a campaign will come from all of the sources you identify. |
|
| |
|
| Went grocery shopping today, maybe itís my dyed green hair, maybe itís the fact my gut is larger than my chest, maybe itís the nose piercings and the tattoos running up and down my arms, but these squares wince whenever they catch sight of me.
| | Individuals who currently support Noisebridge can be asked for contributions, and can receive benefits and acknowledgement for doing so, within the cultural norms of your organization. We will likely seek individual contributors at the $1,000 level and above to form a leadership circle for the campaign. Part of our work will be to encourage people to give joyfully, becoming closer to the organization through their participation in the campaign. |
|
| |
|
| Iím happy to add a non-conformist vibe to the place, hopefully a few girls will see me and realise they donít have to dress like Barbie, hell they donít need the attention of any guy to live meaningful lives. Who knows, a few of them might even feel encouraged to drop the preppy act and dress like regular people.
| | Foundations and corporations will be sought, we will seek contributions from many sources, I would say a minimum of 15 and probably more than 20, ranging in size from $10,000 to more than $100,000 each. |
|
| |
|
| Food here is very good, I mean the store only sells its own brand but what a brand! Feels like an orgasm erupting in my mouth and Iím moaning over every mouthful.
| | We will also explore available government funding at the local and state level. I don’t think federal funding is likely with this turnaround, but we will explore than option as well, and will set you up for future federal funding if that is appropriate and desirable. |
|
| |
|
| I just had some microwaved noodles for this eveningís meal and even they taste divine.
| | https://noisebridge.slack.com/archives/C035Z8C5J/p1522828057000288 |
|
| |
|
| 05/03/2010
| | [[Category:Fundraising]] |
| | |
| Started the job today, itís an all-woman team, the other ladies are pretty prim. All of them have capped teeth, flawless hair, and their skin is blemish free, not a zit on display.
| |
| | |
| Strange and a tad creepy.
| |
| | |
| The job is standard office work, filling in forms, answering phone calls or letters. Same old, same old. The payís above average and the place is pleasant enough.
| |
| | |
| Canít complain, I mean the last job I had, I can remember the bullet holes in the walls, the reek of cat pee, so yeah this is definitely an improvement.
| |
| | |
| Anyhow one lady kept displaying her engagement ring and the other girls sighed and moaned at how beautiful it was.
| |
| | |
| Another woman showed up with a notable bloated belly and kept saying how sheíd miss them all.
| |
| | |
| I thought she was talking about maternity leave but no, sheís flat out quitting her job and nobody else thinks this a tad disappointing.
| |
| | |
| Itís often lost on a conservative town like this, but you can be a wife and mother and still hold down a job, itís not impossible. I mentioned this fact to a few of the girls and they stared at me in horror, it wasnít so much that their minds were blown by the concept, more like I had blasphemed, by going against the natural order of things.
| |
| | |
| Yeah, Iím not going to settle here, Iím always applying for new jobs, and soon as I get a plump offer elsewhere Iím out.
| |
| | |
| 05/10/2010
| |
| | |
| Okay, more creepiness. At work today, the office shut down when a former employee entered pushing a pram with her new baby inside. Smiling tyke, full of sunshine and cheers and no lie everyone else dropped what they were doing and gathered around the baby for a full hour, caressing the kid and muttering coos of admiration and envy.
| |
| | |
| Ugh, seriously, some of these girls arenít even twenty and their goal in life is to be knocked up as soon as possible.
| |
| | |
| Iíve tried to understand it, asked a few childless women why theyíre so psyched on having babies. Their eyes glint, they look wistful and say stuff like ìOh babies are so cute!î ìItís my womanly dutyî or ìgoodness it feels so natural, whatís more beautiful than having a baby growing in your belly?î
| |
| | |
| All of them believe this, all of them see motherhood as inevitable as death and taxes.
| |
| | |
| Have I stumbled upon a cult or something? Are all women in this town secretly being brainwashed?
| |
| | |
| Iíll make a note to avoid church, least they force me to drink the Kool-Aid and make me a happy little pod person.
| |
| | |
| 05/12/2010
| |
| | |
| Okay Iíve made a friend today, the window by my desk has a good view of my apartmentís courtyard where thereís a playground and a few open showers. What happens is that after a hard dayís work a couple of guys from a nearby construction site, arrive all hot, sweaty and covered in chalk, they then strip down to their boxers and let the cool water hit their warm bodies.
| |
| | |
| So yeah, Iíve been treated to a daily display of a couple of hunky beefcake boys showering in front of me, If I werenít a card-carrying carpet muncher, I might be interested.
| |
| | |
| Hell, I kept thinking that my gay male friends back home would love this sight. So today I whipped out my phone and focused on one guy. Got a good angle of him from my window, and somehow, he noticed me and smiled. Struck out a pose and flexed his biceps and pecks.
| |
| | |
| Sort of embarrassing, he probably thinks Iím into him, I wanted to blurt out this photo wasnít for me, itís for my friends but that sounds like a lame excuse, right?
| |
| | |
| Guyís proud of his body, no doubt. I imagine plenty of gals in this town will flock to his feet and beg for his attention. Just so long as heís happy with impregnating them as soon as possible.
| |
| | |
| 05/13/2010
| |
| | |
| I was walking past the local church today and I swear the sign out front read ìIf you donít get married and have kids, youíll never be happyî.
| |
| | |
| Ugh, cult mentality.
| |
| | |
| Thereís no alternative lifestyle here, just regular bars for the boys and knitting circles for the ladies, itís all republican bible thumping folks. A few girls at the office keep asking me if I care to join their church.
| |
| | |
| I mention Iím an atheist and they look at me as if Iíve confessed to murder.
| |
| | |
| And they still beg me to come to church with them anyway, oh please!
| |
| | |
| 05/16/2010
| |
| | |
| Somethingís off.
| |
| | |
| I tore off my bra to squeeze my tits this evening, just a weekly check-up because hey I like playing with my minuscule boobies and I swear theyíve gotten bigger.
| |
| | |
| Iíve noticed that my bra felt kinda tight this past week too. Canít say what thatís about, maybe itís a hormonal thing but Iíve heard at any time in their lives womenís boobs can grow for no reason.
| |
| | |
| Still nothing to be alarmed about, right?
| |
| | |
| 05/23/2010
| |
| | |
| Took a weekend retreat, back to my old town, man it was fun, the music, the beer, the attitudes, Pam and Delilah were happy to see me and chat about that crap and this crap. Life is good.
| |
| | |
| Pamís having a hard time with her girlfriend, Delilahís got herself a new cat after the last one was run over, same old shit.
| |
| | |
| Itís hard to remember when youíre having a good time but seeing my non-conformist chums taking it easy was a weight off my mind. Iím looking hard as hell to find another job where Iíll be able to cut loose in a big city. God knows the humble town of Stepford is driving me insane.
| |
| | |
| Itís not like theyíll impale a dyke like me on a picket fence more likely Iíll die from boredom.
| |
| | |
| Anyway, I got one odd remark, everyone I bumped into kept telling me how great I looked. I mean they said my complexion wasnít so pale, my acne had vanished and what was up with my boobs? I was walking with a spring in my step and acting a hell of a lot jollier then I usually do.
| |
| | |
| Oh well, maybe it was just that I was so glad to see them all.
| |
| | |
| 05/25/2010
| |
| | |
| A little awkward in work today. My boobs were hurting like crazy because my bra no longer fits, the girls were barking for something roomier and I wanted to tear off my bra there and then.
| |
| | |
| 05/27/2010
| |
| | |
| Gotten a bigger bra and Iím hoping thisíll be the last time. Iím walking a lot too, even going so far as to forsake my usual bus ride instead Iím jogging back home.
| |
| | |
| Itís funny, although Iím a green haired militant dyke, I think these republican types have gotten use to me and theyíre always smiling and being friendly when I stop and chat with them so maybe theyíre not so bad.
| |
| | |
| 05/29/2010
| |
| | |
| Jogging a lot this week, joggers talk about a high you get when youíve been exercising way too much, personally yeah, I see it. I feel totally restless, so I jog every day.
| |
| | |
| Anyway, I think my gutís starting to shrink, not just thanks to the jogging but because Iíve sworn off junk food too and Iím eating a lot of salads and stuff.
| |
| | |
| Dunno where this has come from.
| |
| | |
| My black roots are beginning to show, so itís time to dye my hair again, but the thing is Iím not that inclined to bother. Yeah, Iíve rocked the ìfuck-you establishmentî with the whole grass top but after a while in Stepford I donít want to stick out so much.
| |
| | |
| Insert some dramatic music here because OMG the pod people have taken over my mind.
| |
| | |
| 06/02/2010
| |
| | |
| Bumped into that hunky guy by the showers today. Heís also an avid jogger and he laughingly called me his loving audience.
| |
| | |
| Turns out his name is Hank and heís a real nice guy.
| |
| | |
| I told him I admired him staying in shape. I mean I donít want to be fit because society says I have to, only that exercise gives me a buzz and I can tell heís a dedicated athlete.
| |
| | |
| He asked me how much I could bench, how long I could jog, and I felt like a beached whale when he told me about his exercise regime. But anyway, Hank asked me if I was doing anything Saturday because heíd love to have a running partner and all. Now I did have plans to sit down and apply for jobs this weekend, but I said okay because heís so friendly.
| |
| | |
| Iíve got a hunch he might have a thing for me, but címon Iím clearly a stereotypical gay gal meaning that I donít swing his preppy way. Besides a guy with his looks has the pick of women.
| |
| | |
| 06/05/2010
| |
| | |
| Oh, was he ever fast. Keeping up with him was insane.
| |
| | |
| I tried maintaining a respectable jogging pace, but I was soon a red faced huffing wreck whilst Hank ever the perfect athlete if not gentleman ran circles around me and kept bragging his grandmother could do better.
| |
| | |
| I called him a stupid fit twit, but at the same time I wanted to prove I could keep this up, wanted him to admit I wasnít a lazy sloth.
| |
| | |
| Soon I was soaking wet from my own body sweat, had a constant stich and my tongue hung out doglike but still I kind of enjoyed it.
| |
| | |
| Well he led me across a wooden bridge towards a lake with the idea of flinging ourselves down by the shore. I mean damn the grass was green, the sky was blue, it was a picture postcard kind of beautiful. But as we cleared the bridge something terrible happened.
| |
| | |
| My bra snapped. The straps tore loose, and my tits flopped everywhere.
| |
| | |
| I went red, Hank burst out laughing at the sight but on seeing my pissed off expression held up his hands and said, ìCool it, cool it, itís nothing.î
| |
| | |
| Ugh, even writing it down makes me want to die.
| |
| | |
| Hank held up my shattered bra and said ìYou were wearing this? No offence but itís way too small for you.î
| |
| | |
| So, he tore off his own t-shirt and wrapped it around me to stop my tits from flying around.
| |
| | |
| 06/12/2010
| |
| | |
| I hadnít planned on getting in touch with Hank, I mean that hike was something I did because I was kind of guilt tripped into it, but when I bumped into him at the sports store two days ago, I found myself saying yes to another run.
| |
| | |
| ìLetís see how serious you are this time,î he said to me.
| |
| | |
| Yeah me and him ran towards that lake and all around it. I wasnít as big a cupcake as before, in fact I was a rocket and you know what? Even Hank had to admit I was good.
| |
| | |
| ìWhat do you know?î he said, ìyouíre learning girl.î
| |
| | |
| Anyway, after the long jog we sat ourselves down by the lakeshore and dipped our hot feet in the water.
| |
| | |
| Well it was lovely, I mean real soothing and relaxing. When I splashed my warm face with cool water I got that feeling of peace. And as Hankís smiled, I couldnít help myself, I blabbed. I donít lie to the locals, but I donít broadcast my atheism or lesbianism either. But with Hank I trust him, so yeah, I talked, and he didnít get offended but nodded and listened.
| |
| | |
| I felt I could be open with him you know. Felt I could let him know the real me without getting into trouble.
| |
| | |
| ìAnd why do you want to hang around with me?î I asked
| |
| | |
| ìBecause I need a running partner and you seem like a nice person,î he replied.
| |
| | |
| He strikes me as a non-judgemental and decent guy so yeah. I have a friend here.
| |
| | |
| 06/13/2010
| |
| | |
| Okay, I think my tattoos are fading. Just had them inked before moving here and they glistened a rich black, but now they seem light grey.
| |
| | |
| Am I seeing things? Itís been so gradual, itís impossible to pinpoint. And yetÖ
| |
| | |
| Iíve read a little about how sun exposure and weight loss can do strange things to your inked skin, but Iím not reassured. Why do I feel it might be something else?
| |
| | |
| 06/15/2010
| |
| | |
| Sigh, another day at work, another mother brought her baby into the office for us to coo over, I was happy to work whilst everyone else stood around and petted the kid but then the mother grabbed my chair and wheeled me towards the lady holding her child. She grinned as if nursing a devilish secret and said, ìYou hold him.î
| |
| | |
| The whole office watched whilst I spluttered nervously as the new-born was placed into my arms.
| |
| | |
| Iím uncomfortable around kids. Because Iím so clumsy, one of my worst nightmares is dropping a baby and having it shatter into a million pieces.
| |
| | |
| The tyke squirmed in my arms, pulling a face kind of like a goldfish before pressing his lips against my boob, hoping for milk. I felt uncomfortable thanks to the suffocating weight of motherhood and I know looking after someone so helpless is beyond stupid old me. I handed the baby back after a few minutes and I swear everyone stared at me with glowing expressions.
| |
| | |
| ìWell,î asked Annie Sue ìWhat do you think?î
| |
| | |
| ìUm heís sweet,î I replied feebly.
| |
| | |
| ìButî said Angela ìisnít holding a baby in your arms the most wonderful thing in the world?î
| |
| | |
| ìErr sure,î I said.
| |
| | |
| 06/18/2010
| |
| | |
| My libidoís increased. Dunno where this excess of sexual energy is coming from but Iím masturbating like crazy. Iíve ordered stuff online, basically trying to find the biggest thickest plastic dick out there. Damn I like being horny but itís getting to the stage where Iím impaling myself on my dildo every night.
| |
| | |
| But itís not enough. I need a good long fuck with another human being. Anyone will do really.
| |
| | |
| Trying to find a fellow lessy in a town like this is impossible. Oneís got to exist, we exist everywhere but I think most gays here are frightened of being disowned by their families if they come out.
| |
| | |
| My boobs are aching again just like when I went through puberty, and my newer bras are pretty shit at holding them in place.
| |
| | |
| So once again Iím godamn bra shopping.
| |
| | |
| Itís funny really, anywhere else my boobs would get the leering attention of creeps and perverts, here having a big rack is standard. Iím actually sticking out less thanks to my bigger boobs.
| |
| | |
| 06/26/2010
| |
| | |
| Something is wrong.
| |
| | |
| I saw Hank naked and I felt horny.
| |
| | |
| He was bathing in a spring and I stared open mouthed but Iím getting ahead of myself.
| |
| | |
| Me and him had hiked up Mt. Little Mouse today. He was excited because it was a place he had always been meaning to visit. I was anxious thanks to the hot sun. Hank called me a chicken but hey people have been known to collapse and bake to death in the sweltering heat, it happens.
| |
| | |
| So anyway, after three hours of climbing up the mountain, we finally arrived at the summit, gorged ourselves on the springís water and had lunch in the shade of a big boulder.
| |
| | |
| Iím grateful to him for helping me off my fat ass although Iím not really a fatty anymore, a few more months of this regime and hello flat stomach with perfectly toned abs.
| |
| | |
| So anyways I ate my sandwiches and felt a cool breeze coming in from the south. I think I dozed off for a while and when I woke up I heard Hank humming near the spring.
| |
| | |
| Following the sounds of his embarrassing attempts at singing I snuck up on the guy, with some idea of leaping out and saying boo.
| |
| | |
| But my jaw dropped. Hank was standing buck naked and thigh deep in the water. I could see his chiselled chest glistening in the sun and more importantly his cock and balls proudly hung between his legs. Firm, tight and huge, Christ he gives stallions penis envy.
| |
| | |
| I was painfully aware of how strong and powerful he was, and as I gazed open mouthed, taking in his cock, his pecs and his handsome face, I felt my nipples tighten and my pussy moisten.
| |
| | |
| Whatís happened? Iíve gone fifteen years of my life in the full knowledge that Iím gay and only now Iím attracted to a guy?
| |
| | |
| Hank then caught me ogling him, but he didnít seem to mind, shit he grinned and struck out a pose. Blushing like hell, this confused lesbian turned and fled back to base.
| |
| | |
| We didnít speak about it afterwards, but I could tell he was flattered.
| |
| | |
| 06/27/2010
| |
| | |
| Last night was too much.
| |
| | |
| I tried to sleep, tried to block out Hankís hot body from my mind but damn. Whenever I shut my eyes I saw his big fat cock dangling between his legs. Shit my pussy was on fire.
| |
| | |
| So, what did I do? Grabbed a rubber dick and plugged myself for hours, cumming three times before drifting off to sleep still thinking about his body.
| |
| | |
| 06/28/2010
| |
| | |
| Iím shocked at my reflection. Yes, Iím slimmer, thatís to be expected but I swear Iím different.
| |
| | |
| My nose looks smaller than before. My teeth seem whiter and I can feel my hips digging against my waistband, almost as if theyíve widened slightly. Widened? At my age?
| |
| | |
| The green dye in my hair is all but gone, revealing my natural black colour.
| |
| | |
| My tattoos, my beloved tapestry of ink, have faded to such an extent that theyíre nothing but a light bruise on my skin. And of course, thereís the issue of my aching boobs. They hurt, tender as the day they first emerged, and they show no signs of stopping. Itís painful!
| |
| | |
| I canít begin to understand whatís happening. Maybe this town is starting to rub off on me.
| |
| | |
| 06/29/2010
| |
| | |
| Hank is still making me unbearably horny.
| |
| | |
| Iíve tried to avoid the guy but catching sight of him by the showers or walking past me to work makes me drool, and Iíve come this close to grabbing him by the neck and pulling him in for a kiss.
| |
| | |
| God Iím going to pieces. I think of my old girlfriends, some of whom I loved, others who made me lustful but none of them have summoned up this utter passion I feel with Hank. Itís insane.
| |
| | |
| At work, the girls prattle around inanely about whoís knocked up and so on, same old shit. But yesterday one woman I forget her name, showed off her engagement ring and announced nine months from now...
| |
| | |
| Before Iíd think ëoh good for herí or if Iím feeling cynical ëbrainwashed, thinking she needs marriage and babies to make her happyí but now I swear thereís a tint of envy. Sheís in a relationship and Iím not, sheís going to be a parent and IímÖ
| |
| | |
| Maybe I need a pet. Maybe if I meet the right girl and fall in love and marry Iíll beÖ
| |
| | |
| Or maybe Iíll marry Hank and have his babies?
| |
| | |
| Who knows?
| |
| | |
| 07/03/2010
| |
| | |
| My tattoos are gone, and my hair is completely black
| |
| | |
| I havenít been questioning this but when I was pottering around the apartment all day Saturday, fighting off my restlessness I spent a long time in the shower jerking off hoping to relieve some pent-up energy.
| |
| | |
| I turned off the water, stepped out, dried my hair and stood in front of the bathroom mirror.
| |
| | |
| Jeez, I look sexy, something like a fertility goddess, my boobs are BIG! My backside has grown too, and my hips have definitely widened.
| |
| | |
| Iíve never looked like this before, and itís been a while since my last haircut, but is it possible for my hair to grow so long in such a short space of time? It makes no sense.
| |
| | |
| I shudder as I write this down, but it looks like Iím becoming like the rest of the women here. Theyíre bosomy beauties, painfully photogenic and before I thought it was thanks to inbreeding or somethingÖ
| |
| | |
| Something in the water? Something in the food?
| |
| | |
| I donít know, I just donít know.
| |
| | |
| My clothes no longer fit, and I donít feel like wearing my usual fashion anyways. Gendered clothes are crap and all, but I donít want to stick out like a lose nail. If this town wasnít so judgemental Iíd be at ease, but I can feel their silent disapprovalÖ
| |
| | |
| I want to disguise myself as some stupid 50s wife, so I can pass amongst the pod people undetected, before I didnít care but after so many months here I just want to fit in and keep my head down.
| |
| | |
| 07/10/2010
| |
| | |
| I hung out with Hank today. God my feelings for him have gotten worse, a hell of a lot worse. I canít keep this up. He smiles at me and my heart goes a thunder. We spent the whole day hanging out chatting about this and that and he made me laugh a lot, damn he knows some good stories.
| |
| | |
| We just talked, me about coming out to my parents, how my mom didnít speak to me for a long time and how it broke my heart. Hank told me about having a terrible falling out with his brother when he was eighteen and then his brother was run over by a train.
| |
| | |
| ìStill regret never burying the hatchet,î he said
| |
| | |
| Anyhow I donít know why but after this, both of us feeling kind of down, ended up hugging. Canít explain it, one of those things you do with your friends you just have to do at the time.
| |
| | |
| And after a while of just hugging, feeling safe in each otherís company, we broke off and HankÖ
| |
| | |
| Hank kissed me on the lips.
| |
| | |
| My heart raced, my eyes watered, and I felt overwhelmed emotionally. I wanted him to love me and I wanted to run away. Some small voice told me this was wrong, this wasnít me butÖbutÖ
| |
| | |
| I wrapped my arms around Hank, drew my tongue into his mouth and was comforted by his beating heart. Oh, I felt loved, god did I feel his affection, I felt so happy, so confused, so light headed.
| |
| | |
| But this was not me, Iím a lesbian, a stone-cold dyke, this was not me!
| |
| | |
| Breaking off the kiss, I muttered something like ìNo, sorry,î before hurrying away like a coward. As I ran my boobs began to ache against their confinements.
| |
| | |
| 07/11/2010
| |
| | |
| I had a dream, I was wearing a gown and walking towards an altar, Hank there stood waiting by the vicar. His face lit up when he saw me, and my heart swelled when I saw the tears in his eyes.
| |
| | |
| I was floating in ecstasy, but deep down something inside of me snapped, and I woke up shaking.
| |
| | |
| I canít throw off this conviction, that being here is affecting me. Changing me.
| |
| | |
| Iím getting out of this town.
| |
| | |
| LATER
| |
| | |
| I boarded a train not bringing anything with me save for my laptop and phone. Either Iím fighting all common sense, or maybe Iíve been deaf to common sense for too long.
| |
| | |
| My hairís grown down to my shoulders and is fluffing up too, my lips look inflamed and my lashes are longer.
| |
| | |
| How could I have been so blind over my metamorphosis? What are they doing to me? Have all the girls been, normal, free thinking women whom were brainwashed into being happy little housewives. Ugh I want to be sick!
| |
| | |
| Since the journey back home takes so long, I fell asleep in my seat and had another vivid dream. I was in the kitchen in a suburban home, cooking a pot of soup whilst the radio played some merry tune. Went into the living room to find Hank my beloved husband sitting on the sofa.
| |
| | |
| Complete peace consumed me when I dreamt that dream, but deep down I know itís a lie. Like something is making me want it, something is compelling me to give in.
| |
| | |
| So, I awoke, quivering in fear and as I sat up, my bra gave way and my big tits burst loose again!
| |
| | |
| I thought running away from Stepford would stop whateverís changing me, perhaps even reverse it but thatís not the case.
| |
| | |
| Iím still getting worse!
| |
| | |
| Shit!
| |
| | |
| LATER
| |
| | |
| Iím scared, really scared, somethingís gotten into my mind and stops me from doing certain things.
| |
| | |
| Iíve booked myself into a cheap hotel and tried calling my old friends, but my body wonít let me. Itís like pressing a gun against your head and trying to summon up enough courage to pull the trigger.
| |
| | |
| Yeah calling my friends for help feels like committing suicide. Stupid but thatís what itís like! I tell myself they can help me, send me to a doctor and call the police but I so donít want to call them. Against all reason and common sense, I just want to go back to StepfordÖ
| |
| | |
| Iím a piece of metal and my new town is dragging me back like a magnet. Theyíve won, havenít they? I canít stop them.
| |
| | |
| Fuck that!
| |
| | |
| LATER
| |
| | |
| I forced myself to ring up Delilah, sobbing that I was brainwashed into being a doting housewife. I must have sounded hysterical or crazy ëcause Delilah just told me to calm down and meet her in Envy, our local gay bar.
| |
| | |
| I pushed myself out of the hotel and every step I took towards Envy was agony, like I was venturing up the green mile. Some deep-rooted instinct kept telling me to run away.
| |
| | |
| I remember passing a clothes store which displayed posters of women, real women, dainty and feminine standing around and smiling. They looked photogenic and utterly inviting. They wore dresses, straw hats, high heels. Oh god! I sighed and caressed the poster of a happy young woman holding her daughterís hand as they walked through a field to have a picnic and ohÖ
| |
| | |
| I swear I almost came there and then at such a beautiful sight!
| |
| | |
| But my feet dragged me unwillingly towards Envy, all because some stupid pride told me to be myself, big brother was in my mind demanding I return to Stepford and I kept telling myself that I wanted to be normal.
| |
| | |
| And Envy? What happened? This place was my paradise before, where Iíd hang out with my fellow fags, feeling not like an outsider but accepted, proud that I didnít behave in the way society said I must. But when I entered now and looked around me, it seemed heavy, noisy and humid. I tried to see the crowd as the admirable rebels I knew but I couldnít. All I could see was a group of young people being ugly, selfish and silly. Kind of like cringing at your high school yearbook photos.
| |
| | |
| I saw one girl wearing a leather jacket with a nose ring and found myself tutting on how she was wasting her looks on such stupid fashion barely able to recall that was me a few months ago. She was holding the hands of another woman who was monstrously fat. Before Iíd admire this lady for not giving into societyís pressures, keeping her weight however she wanted, but now all I could do was think how dangerous her obesity was to her health. Did she want to drop dead of a heart attack before she was forty?
| |
| | |
| Those men kissing each other, these women hugging. Why werenít they going straight, if they had straight sex theyíd have babies to raise andÖandÖ
| |
| | |
| I screamed inside a little, staggering back as I realised these thoughts of breeding and popping out babies made my heart burn with desire.
| |
| | |
| I was this close to no longer fighting it, to embracing it, to letting go and become some homophobic heteronormative homemaker.
| |
| | |
| I canít overcome whatever force is controlling me. I fled back to my hotel.
| |
| | |
| 07/12/2010
| |
| | |
| I had another dream.
| |
| | |
| It sealed me. Something in my mind has snapped and Iíve stopped fighting.
| |
| | |
| I dreamt I was lying on my back, screaming in agony as Hank, held my hand. I realised in horror that I was giving birth, a human head was splitting open my sides as it forced its way out of my body, stretching my pussy to unbearable lengths.
| |
| | |
| Ah, it was a dream, but it felt so real, I could feel my cunt twisting in pain. I could feel the sweat on my thighs and my wet hair plastered to my forehead, I could feel my hand clenching Hankís.
| |
| | |
| I was having a baby? I was forced to be a mother!
| |
| | |
| ìI canít do it!î I thought ìI canít look after a potted cactus let alone another person!î
| |
| | |
| Another stab of pain and I was told to push, felt the thing slide another inch, oh Christ it was unbearableÖ
| |
| | |
| ìOne more push,î said a voice
| |
| | |
| I wanted to bolt away, wanted to fling myself in my bedroom and goof off and play video games, wanted to be five years old again.
| |
| | |
| But I pushed, and I heard a babyís voice cry out.
| |
| | |
| Like that, a switch was flipped in my mind, I was utterly aware of another person, a helpless baby, that I was a mother with a big bold M.
| |
| | |
| I canít describe it, I just stopped caring about myself and cried out ìIs she alright?î
| |
| | |
| There was the blood-soaked thing, gooey and squirming, held in the doctorís hands. My baby, my baby, a red swollen blob, so cute, so silly.
| |
| | |
| They handed me my child, I pressed my naked tit against my babyís lips. It pursed itsí mouth and began to suck.
| |
| | |
| Such complete utter contentment washed over me, and I realized that this, above all else is what I want out of life.
| |
| | |
| And then I woke up.
| |
| | |
| Itís over.
| |
| | |
| Iíve given up.
| |
| | |
| Iím not fighting anymore. I am a heterosexual woman who wants children. Anything else is just stupid.
| |
| | |
| With that realisation, I rose from my bed and looked into the mirror.
| |
| | |
| My face is beautiful, long lashes, flowery locks of dark hair with plump seductive lips and bright entrancing eyes. And as for my body?
| |
| | |
| I admired my large perfect breasts, drove my hands over my wide hips and turned to check out my firm thick rear end.
| |
| | |
| Iím complete, Iíve emerged from my cocoon and Iím nothing short of a goddess, a perfect addition to the wonderful town of Stepford.
| |
| | |
| Everything fits, I no longer care if Iím brainwashed or that in fact Iíve realised the error of my ways. I donít care if Stepford has stolen my soul or has given me a soul. I donít care at all. All I know is that I want it. I want to have children and I can no longer love a woman, I need a man to love and hold.
| |
| | |
| I canít bring myself to feel any outrage, the life these friendly, helpful people lead, I want to be a part of it.
| |
| | |
| LATER
| |
| | |
| I met Hank at the train station, melted in his tight embrace and purred as he kissed me, loving the feeling of utter bliss as he said, ìWelcome home dearî.
| |
| | |
| I know heís my man and I care more for him than any of my ex-girlfriends, I can feel the rightness and naturalness of our relationship too.
| |
| | |
| He said something about attending church with him this Sunday and I nodded. Ready and willing to submit.
| |
| | |
| 09/24/2010
| |
| | |
| Iíve not been back to my apartment in months, dunno if the landlordís thrown out my stuff, I donít need reminders of my old life anyway.
| |
| | |
| Me and Hank, well Iíve been living with him at his place, weíve been making love every night and itís fantastic. Oh, the hours in bed, exploring every aspect of our bodies, leaves me feeling so womanly. Iíve taken his cock in my pussy or mouth and heís rammed into me, eaten me out, made me squirm and revel in the mind-blowing sex we share together.
| |
| | |
| God, heís a god in the bedroom and Iím walking funny from every session.
| |
| | |
| Itís unprotected too, I made a half-hearted attempt to use birth control in the beginning, but my pills went missing (somehow, I think Hankís behind that) and anyhow knowing he can knock me up is such a turn on.
| |
| | |
| 09/29/2010
| |
| | |
| Iíve been terribly judgemental and cynical. I know Iíve always looked down on the ladies at the office, but ever since I moved in with Hank, Iíve discovered at what a wonderful bunch they are and itís funny finding out how much we have in common.
| |
| | |
| Susieís into needlework and learning the ropes from her has been fun. Thinking about fixing the tears in Hankís clothes is arousing somehow.
| |
| | |
| Joannaís giving me advice on how to keep things fresh in the bedroom, I dare say Iíll give some of her tricks a try.
| |
| | |
| And Laura appeared with her new baby today. Heís a soft skinned, giggling kid. She let me hold him and oh god, I canít contain myself. Having a baby to love and hold. Oh god I canít wait.
| |
| | |
| I just canít waitÖ
| |
| | |
| Neither can Hank.
| |