Conflict Resolution

We do our best to be excellent to each other. When conflicts happen - and they will - this page helps you choose the right response. The wrong response can make things worse. MAINTAINERS: CommunityWorkingGroup

Why This Matters

Not all conflicts are the same. A disagreement about how to organize the electronics bench is fundamentally different from an ongoing pattern of harassment. The same intervention that resolves one can make the other worse.

Understanding where a conflict sits on the escalation ladder helps us choose the right response - and avoid responses that cause additional harm.

The Three Phases of Conflict

Based on Friedrich Glasl's model of conflict escalation:

🟢 Phase 1: Win-Win (Stages 1-3)

Both parties can still walk away satisfied. The conflict is about issues, not people. Self-resolution is possible. Mediation works well here.

Most conflicts at Noisebridge are here. Handle them with direct conversation using Restorative Communication.

🟡 Phase 2: Win-Lose (Stages 4-6)

The conflict has become personal. One party "winning" now requires the other to "lose." Coalition-building, reputation attacks, and threats emerge. Mediation becomes difficult and potentially harmful. Structural interventions needed.

Watch for Policy Injection and Consensus Spoofing - manipulation patterns that push conflicts into this phase.

🔴 Phase 3: Lose-Lose (Stages 7-9)

Parties will accept harm to themselves if it means harming the other more. Rationality is gone. Mediation is contraindicated. Only protective action works - AskToLeave, 86, or external authority.

For detailed descriptions of all nine stages, see Conflict Escalation.

🟢 Most Conflicts: Handle Directly

💚 Most conflicts at Noisebridge can be resolved without any formal process.

The vast majority of friction between community members is Stage 1-3: misunderstandings, hurt feelings, different expectations, someone having a bad day. These situations are normal and fixable through direct human connection using Restorative Communication.

You do not need mediation, meetings, or community involvement for most conflicts. In fact, invoking process for a Stage 1-3 conflict often escalates it to Stage 4+.

🧠 A Note for Neurodivergent Community Members

Direct confrontation is hard for many people - especially those of us who are neurodivergent, have trauma histories, or experience social anxiety. The instinct to avoid direct conversation and instead reach for "process" is understandable.

But hiding behind process doesn't protect you - it escalates the conflict.

When you:

• Post in Discord instead of talking to someone directly
• Ask a mediator to intervene in something that could be a simple conversation
• Bring something to a Tuesday meeting that's really between two people
• Frame a personal hurt as a "community safety issue"

...you're taking a Stage 1-2 conflict and pushing it to Stage 4. Now there are sides. Now there's an audience. Now someone might lose face publicly. The process you reached for to feel safe has made the situation less safe for everyone.

When to Handle It Privately (No Process Needed)

These are ALL situations that should be handled with a direct conversation:

• Someone said something that hurt your feelings
• Someone's using a shared resource in a way you don't like
• Someone didn't clean up after themselves
• Someone's project is taking up space you wanted to use
• Someone was rude or dismissive to you
• Someone didn't respond to your message
• Someone disagreed with you in a discussion
• Someone's communication style rubs you the wrong way
• Someone forgot to do something they said they'd do
• Someone made a decision about shared space without asking you
• You feel excluded from a project or conversation
• Someone criticized your work
• Someone seems to be avoiding you
• You had an awkward interaction and don't know where you stand

None of these require mediation. None require posting in Discord. None require bringing up at a meeting. All of them are best resolved by talking to the person directly.

How to Have the Conversation (Scripts)

If direct confrontation feels overwhelming, here are templates based on Restorative Communication principles. You can literally copy these.

For hurt feelings:

"Hey, I wanted to talk about something. When [specific thing happened], I felt [feeling]. I'm not saying you did anything wrong - I just wanted to let you know how it landed with me. Can we talk about it?"

For space/resource conflicts:

"Hey, I noticed [situation]. I was hoping to [what you wanted]. Is there a way we can work this out?"

For awkward situations:

"I feel like things have been a bit weird between us lately. I'm not sure if I did something or if I'm imagining it. Can we clear the air?"

For when you're not ready to talk yet:

"I'm feeling some friction about [thing] but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I just wanted you to know I'm processing. I'll come to you when I'm ready."

For when someone's behavior is bothering you:

"Can I give you some feedback? When you [specific behavior], it [impact on you]. I'd appreciate it if you could [specific request]."

You can send these via text, Discord DM, email, or in person. Private communication is almost always better than public communication for Stage 1-3 conflicts.

Why Process Escalates Instead of Helping

When you invoke process for a Stage 1-3 conflict:

• You create an audience - Now there are witnesses. Stakes go up.
• You force public positions - People entrench to avoid looking bad.
• You signal distrust - The other person may feel accused.
• You create a record - What could have been forgotten is now documented.
• You recruit implicit allies - The people you tell become your "side." (This is how Consensus Spoofing begins.)
• You make backing down harder - Public admission of fault feels like losing.

A 5-minute private conversation could have resolved it. Now it's a Thing.

When You Need More Help

Ask To Disengage

If a conversation is escalating in the moment - voices rising, emotions running hot - anyone can ask to disengage. This isn't about who's right; it's about creating space before things get worse.

"I need to step away from this conversation right now."

The expectation is that both parties disengage. Take a break. Come back to it later when you're calmer.

Mediation

If you've tried to talk directly and it's not working, a mediator can help facilitate the conversation. Mediators are community members who've volunteered to help.

⚠️ Not all conflicts are appropriate for mediation.

Mediation works for early-stage conflicts where both parties want resolution. Once a conflict escalates into personal attacks, coalitions, threats, or ongoing harassment, mediation can actually make things worse - it delays protective action and can force targets to repeatedly engage with people who've harmed them.

See Conflict Escalation to understand when mediation helps vs. when it becomes harmful.

AskToLeave

If someone's behavior is making people feel unsafe right now, anyone can ask them to leave the space. This is a temporary measure to create safety, not a punishment.

The expectation is that the person leaves without argument. The situation can be sorted out later.

86 - Permanent Ban

For serious or repeated harm, the community may decide someone is no longer welcome at Noisebridge. This is not taken lightly. See Path_to_86 for how this process works.

Reporting and Support

If You Need to Report Something

• Email: secretary@noisebridge.net (or contact a mediator directly)
• Anonymous reporting: https://safespace.noisebridge.net/

Getting Support

If you're not sure what to do, or you're afraid to approach someone directly, you can:

• Ask someone you trust to come with you
• Ask someone to talk to the person on your behalf
• Contact a mediator for advice (even if you don't want formal mediation)

Quick Reference: Conflict Resolution Tools

Tool	When to Use	Link
Direct Conversation	Most conflicts - hurt feelings, disagreements, friction	Use scripts above, Restorative Communication
Ask To Disengage	Conversation is escalating in the moment	Ask To Disengage
Mediation	Direct conversation didn't work, both parties want resolution	Mediation
Ask To Leave	Someone is making people feel unsafe right now	AskToLeave
Documentation	Pattern of behavior, may need community action	Path_to_86
86	Serious/repeated harm, community decision	86

Understanding Manipulation Patterns

Some conflicts are made worse - or manufactured entirely - by manipulation. Learn to recognize:

• Policy Injection - Fabricating rules to gain advantage ("That's our policy" when it isn't)
• Consensus Spoofing - Claiming community agreement that doesn't exist ("We all decided...")

These patterns can make it impossible to correctly assess what stage a conflict is at. See Conflict Escalation#When Assessment Itself Is Compromised for details.

See Also

• Conflict Escalation - Detailed breakdown of all nine stages and when each intervention works
• Restorative Communication - Communication framework for having difficult conversations
• Mediation - The mediation process and current mediators
• Ask To Disengage - De-escalating in the moment
• AskToLeave - Temporary removal from space
• Path_to_86 - How permanent bans happen
• 86 - The ban list
• Policy Injection - Fabricated rules as manipulation
• Consensus Spoofing - Fabricated agreement as manipulation