Missing Stair

Missing Stair

Routing Around Damage

"The Internet interprets censorship as damage and routes around it." - John Gilmore

When a network node fails or a connection is censored, packets automatically reroute through working paths. No central authority decides this - it's distributed, automatic, resilient. The network keeps functioning.

Community social routing works this way too -- but at a huge cost.

The Missing Stair Metaphor

Imagine a house with a broken stair. Everyone who lives there knows about it. They've learned to step over it automatically. They warn newcomers: "watch out for that step." But nobody fixes it.

A missing stair is a person in a community whose harmful behavior is worked around rather than addressed.

The term originated in a 2012 blog post describing known sexual predators in social communities - people everyone knew were dangerous, but instead of removing them, the community developed workarounds:

• Don't let new women be alone with him
• Warn people privately at events
• Create buddy systems
• Just avoid him if you can

The metaphor has since been generalized to describe anyone whose repeated harmful behavior is tolerated and routed around rather than confronted.

The Range of Harm

Missing stairs exist on a spectrum:

SEVERE HARM (original usage)

• Sexual harassment or assault
• Physical violence or threats
• Predatory behavior toward vulnerable people
• Targeted harassment campaigns
• Stalking

PERSISTENT HARM

• Bullying or intimidation patterns
• Discriminatory behavior
• Abuse of power or authority
• Weaponizing community processes
• Monopolizing resources/spaces to exclude others

CHRONIC DYSFUNCTION

• Repeated conflict escalation
• Inability to collaborate constructively
• Consistent boundary violations
• Draining disproportionate community resources

The severity varies, but the pattern is the same: the community routes around the person instead of addressing the harm.

Why Routing Happens Instead of Fixing

FEAR OF CONSEQUENCES

• The person might retaliate
• The person might claim victimhood
• The confrontation could split the community
• Legal concerns (defamation, liability)
• The person is "useful" in other ways

DIFFUSION OF RESPONSIBILITY

No single person feels responsible for addressing it. Everyone assumes:

• Someone else will handle it
• Someone with more authority should act
• It's not bad enough for me to say something
• Other people seem okay with it

NORMALIZATION

The longer the routing continues:

• The behavior becomes "just how they are"
• New people learn the workarounds without questioning them
• The routing becomes invisible infrastructure
• Addressing it feels like making a big deal out of nothing